Day 50. Lives do indeed go on, and today one in fact started.
Welcome to our world Kimi Violet Harley Cabrera (nee Erky Berk). It is a big place and I'm on the other side of it, but could not be more pleased to know you are here!
'may you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung!'

Day 49: Went the funeral of a friend's father this morning. This photo works very well to illustrate how it feels to be in circumstances that are clear - the service, the emotion, the grief - and yet to be apart from it and if not invisible then certainly ill defined, due to language, lack of history, lack of connection. I sat next to him at a birthday party once, but didn't know who he was.

On a brighter note, today we have been married exactly 18 months, We went out for dinner on our first anniversary, and sitting at the next table was an old woman of a particular European style. The extremely elaborate gravity defying bouffant, the matching fluffy white dog, absolutely elegant clothes and bright red nails for holding the ever present cigarette. Today I saw her again, 6 months later to the day, in the supermarket carpark. She drives a very chic silver Mercedes sport car. It has a soft top but I can't imagine the hairdo would survive the fresh air. Live and lives go on.

Day 48: The school free day. When my first nephew and nieces were announced, I had the thought "this child will never know me as fat". Ho ho ho. When my nephew listened to my stomach to hear the baby inside, quite clearly it didn't happen! However, THIS new child WILL never know me fat. I hope... Probably.... All things going well...!

Day 47: Wearing my hearts on my sleeve - almost - on finding out I am to be an uncle for the fouth time in November. Its exciting news when any new life is on its way, but I feel some strange feeling close to sad that I can't quite name, that I probably won't be part of this child's growing up, well not until it can read and write in any case. This is really the year for babies, one already born, three more (that I know of) well on the way. So, my trip to Oz will now be in November rather than July. It somehow feels much better that way, I think I will be excited to be going then, and parental responsibilities aside, it seems too weird to go all the way to Australia in winter when you can't jump into the sea!

Today's accessories from the House of Stanley, Randwick.

Day 46: Another one of those whacky upside down hand held camera days, oopps Freudian Slip, I mean of course photos!

Day 45. Have been in a bit of a slump and feeling discouraged with my progress, especially when puffing up the stairs. Am starting to feel quite full in the head, I was hoping that my sinus allergies would be confined to Australian pollens and that the German Spring would do me no harm, but alas perhaps its going to be a stuffy old time here too.
Time to regain the focus.

Day 44: Up and about early again, was excited about tonight's change to summer time, but just realized it means one hour LESS sleep!

Day 43: My small tribute to the Commonwealth Games. Aussie Oi. Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi.

Here in Germany they have a condition called Frülingsmüdigkeit, literally Spring Sleepiness. Its ironic when everyone has been gasping for some fine weather that suddenly all you want to do is sleep! I think I've got it actually, although I only just found out it has a name. Either that or the average 5.5 hours out of an ideal 9 hours sleep is not quite enough?

Day 42. A bright sunny day, hopefully more to come. An interesting morning at school, we had a conversation session around questions that people had written earlier in the week. The most contentious topics were why Islamic women wear headscarves and whether Jennifer Lopez's backside is real or the result of plastic surgery (enhanced or reduced, jury still out).

Day 41. More of the same, but sunny again. Not quite enough sleep and not quite enough comprehension of what I'm studying to make it interesting rather than frustrating. Some steps forward though.
I wonder if I should start trying to write my blogs in German?

Day 40: A bad hair day in the land of domestic bliss.

Day 39: Perhaps there will be a spring after all? Clear skies, sunshine, butterflies and ladybirds in the garden. Not a huge response to my homepage as yet, but nice that those who have followed the link looked at it thoughtfully and positively.
Our angel is turning into more of a devil at the moment, but all this energy must be doing us good!

Day 38.
6.30am, Sunday. Could there be a more unnatural time of day to be awake? Not for puppies who have "held on" for hours and hours. Managed to get myself back to the gym, so quite pleased with that effort. We only got two cakes this weekend, so that was a bit of restraint reinforced!

Apparently some people get fat sucked out of their bums and injected into their lips. I wonder if you can do it the other way? As I rode to the gym today I realized sadly that I still have no bum, despite all attempts. The eternal questions remain (well they would do, being eternal): How could I have been poor for so long and still be so fat? And having been so fat for so long, how can it be I still have no discernible bum? Nice lips though.

Day 37. Just a reminder that there remain at least 20 kilogramic reasons to take some time out from puppy playing and get back into my workout routine. I will go tomorrow without fail AND do my German homework (genitiv artikals) AND be a better person AND strive for world peace. Still, there are some positive changes in the shape, the weight from the upper stomach, between the chest and navel is really starting to shift, so just have to be patient and diligent.

Day 36: When new dreams start to form...

Day 35: A bit of a mind map as to where my current focus is. Looks like my beloved Ugg boots are a comforting puppy reminder of Mum and the siblings, so they are to by mine no longer. It seems my days as a grogan are over, time to go the whole hog and put the trackie daks and flannies away as well perhaps?

Day 34: Blinky has arrived, and now we are a happy family of three. Have you ever had the experience of thinking that if someone had told me three years ago that on this day I would have such a sublime experience, it would have been impossible to believe. Then, considering that this experience is reality (foretold or otherwise), what potential is there for this day in another three years time?

Day 33. Looking like the love child of Salvador Dali and Hattie Jaques.
Still getting used to sun in the sky again. ONE more sleep.
PS, you didn't waste any time logging on Mr M.C. of Enmore!

Day 32: A bright sunny day, really beautiful weather but still cold.
I am getting a lot of back twinges, reminiscent of when I lived in Newtown and lugged my backpack full of books or groceries all over the place. So I want to change my back workout to sets of greater repetitions with lower weights to build up the strength before concerning myself too greatly with bulk in that area. Also want to maintain the Low GI carbs but will reduce the portion sizes. "Now it gets series, or ..."
Two sleeps.

Day 31. Sometimes less is indeed more, so back to something more decorous today. My friend of over 20 years commented that yesterday's photo was not something she would have expected from the shy person she has known in the past. It will take a little more thought to be succinct in explaining why I don't care any more about showing myself like this (or at all). Perhaps its the knowledge that to make change one must first evaluate reality. Certainly this quest for health and fitness is underpinned but the understanding that I must now work WITH my physical self, rather than against it or in spite of it.

Perhaps there are fewer things I'm scared of these days?
Only 3 more sleeps!

Day 30. Reminder to self - STOP EATING SO MUCH! Its quite easy for me to create a flattering photo with the right clothes and camera angle. I decided to be vaguely forthright as a bit of a benchmark for future progress.
Four more sleeps.

Day 29. Waiting for Blinky, five more sleeps.

Day 28. Decided to saturate the colour as was saturated with rain. Is there really a spring in Germany, or is it just a hopeful dream? I suppose when the snow has turned to rain its some kind of positive development. Meanwhile we have a whole new set of articles to learn. How very decorative to have 15 different versions of "the", and you thought the Germans were staid and ever so spartan in their efficiency!

Day 27. What a day. Locked myself out of the house, in the snow, and of course its the one morning when "them downstairs" are out doing the shopping. And its not even lunchtime yet.

I think this photo is the visual equivalent of banging ones head against the wall so it feels good when it stops. I can see subtle changes in my body, certainly some significant muscle development. However I am fairly sure I should have lost more fat by now. Clearly I need to refine my eating a bit better and a lot of these extra treats can simply go in the bin with no-one any the wiser. I'd probably need to do an extra hour at gym each day to counteract some of this junk.

Day 26. How is mummy's little bundle of joy?

The twilight zone when I would rather have (more of) a nap than go to the gym. OK, I admit there was one other photo in the ones I took today which was less flattering that this, but this was more "artistically interesting". Got it?

Day 25. more of the same, although I did shave off my moustache and look less like a potato than last time :-)

Day 23. The shadow and history...
In March 1945 this town was bombed nearly out of existence. This memorial lists the names of those who could be identified from the almost 40,000 bodies that were left after the raid. Hanau at the time was the location of one of the most important rail cross links in Germany so it was detrimental to Nazi travel and communication when that rail connection was destroyed.
As an Australian, and I guess on "the winning side" in both World Wars, the idea of war has never seemed so personal as when I visit this memorial within the cemetery here.

Day 23. This afternoon my digital camera hit 10,000 photos and has now gone back to 0001. How cool is that!!
Yesterday we had the biggest snowfall in living memory INCLUDING the living memory of people who have lived through more European winters than me. The airport closed, traffic banked up for 100s of KMs in all directions. Today there was no fall, but the ground cover was starting to melt. Kind of like a big sign after a drama as the water drips and runs, the colours and shapes of the everyday re-emerge and take their usual prominence.

We did get invited for dinner as well as coffee and cake. I used to love the quote from Shirley MacLaine "there is very little of which I am unaware", but I can't help thinking how absolutely untrue it is. As I watched my extended family of inlaws, the complexities of their histories and interactions. Its slightly mind numbing to know that these lives have gone on absolutely without my knowledge and yet have profoundly shaped my experience. I wonder who else is out there doing, saying and being things which will at some unexpected future point absolutely change my life in some way.

Day 22. Slipped in the snow with a heavy backpack this morning so feeling very tight between the shoulders. Will this winter ever end? Giving gym a miss for this morning anyway. We have been invited to a surprise birthday thingy this afternoon, coffee and cake at 4. Often this also means staying on for dinner in the german tradition, but this wasn't clear so we just have to find out at the time.

Day 21. Rocking in the corner after more German verbs. Actually today was a very interesting class, we discussed Marlene Deitrich and the political history of Berlin. Much less confusing than the unfriendly forms of imperative verbs, certainly all this would have been much easier if the Australian government had not experimented with chucking grammar out of the school curriculum in the 1970s.

Day 20. "the world at my feet".... actually its a reference photo for the new painting, feet are such a challenge to draw or paint, especially from behind. But hey, nice legs (shame about the boat race). Hopefully the rest of me will do them justice at the end of the day.